This past weekend, I celebrated 5 years with my boyfriend. Previous to him, my longest relationship was 6 whole months. Back then, I thought that was pretty long and I always prided myself on knowing a lot about relationships. I felt I knew the jist of what it meant to be a good girlfriend, supportive partner and all around maintaining a healthy relationship. Boy, was I wrong! In the past 5ive years, I’ve learned a whole lot about what it means to be in a relationship. I’ve learned the difference between settling and compromising, and so much more. Since five years is such a huge milestone for me, I thought I’d touch base on the things I’ve learned. If you’d like to know what I have learned out of being in a long term/long distance relationship, continue reading!
PS, I know a lot of the photos are quite old but Gil and I only take crappy phone selfies together now and I figured I’d share some of the really nice ones.
As much as I talk about fashion here, my roots and heart are with fat acceptance. The day I learned to love myself without clothing on was the biggest, most rewarding day of my life. I actively spent my youth hiding from mirrors when I was anywhere near naked and that trend continued on until my early 20s. Now I’m a 29 year old fashion blogger who routinely talks openly about the ins and outs of loving yourself. If you asked me at 16 where I thought my life was headed, this wouldn’t be it.
A lot of really neat, really exciting things have happened for me in my adult life because of the body positive community. It has introduced me to a lot of kind, caring and genuine people who I am happy to say I know. I’ve known of Rebecca of Rebecca Northcott Photography for quite some time now. I’ve always looked at her photographer in awe and admired the skill she has to capture beautiful moments. Working with her has been on my list of “things I want to do” for a very long time, so when she mentioned wanting to photograph me, I was in heaven. At first, I was a bit nervous but she made me feel at ease. We worked together on a vision, both of us collaborating on an outfit, location, accessories and all. I genuinely felt so comfortable around her, and she never left me feeling unsure of myself. She doesn’t know it, but this photoshoot meant a lot for me. The past year has been such a whirlwind for me, and it has been a struggle to keep my head above water plenty of times. Like many others, I have a strong tendency to doubt myself and my abilities constantly. I can be too hard on myself, constantly questioning whether or not something is even good enough to put out there. All of that went through my head before seeing Rebecca, but the second she started shooting, all of it went away. None of this is sponsored, only words from my heart. Please, please consider Rebecca Northcott Photography if you’re in the GTA!
I’ve added some of my favourite shots after the cut, and I’m so excited to share them with you. As per usual, outfit details will be listed at the very bottom!
I don’t exactly remember the moment I declared war on my arms, but I do remember the struggle I felt each time I’d go out. Any outing I had was plagued with anxiety and panic attacks, fits of anger and break downs. I can recount countless memories where I opted to stay home simply because I was too insecure of my arms. Every summer I picked suffocating in the heat over exposing something I felt such extreme shame around.
If you google “I hate my arms” the results are mind blowing. Results ranging from blog posts of self hate to lotions, exercises to “lose that arm fat” and entire lines of beauty cosmetics to tone up your arms. When, why and how did fat arms become one of the worst things a human being can have?
Five years later, I hardly think about my arms anymore. Its strange to think I ever really did and that I spent so much of my life fearing showing them off. I can’t quite figure out why I hated them so much and why so many people still do. My arms have stretch marks and cellulite, yes but do you know what else they have? The ability to hold up my favourite book while I lay in bed and relax. The ability to cook and bake for my loved ones. The ability to cuddle my partner and to hold him tight. My arms and your arms have amazing capabilities and they deserve our love, too.
I took to instagram to ask for photos of people proudly showing off their arms and I was so, so blown away by all of the photos I received. Beyond the cut, you’ll find those photos and I hope it warms your heart just as it did mine.
After a recent trip to the doctor, I got the news that my fat body is starting to affect my health. Its not major, its minimal but without acknowledging my current heath it could get worse. I haven’t felt my best in the last little while so it doesn’t come as a surprise. My doctor, God bless her, has never made me feel like my weight was an impending death sentence. She very politely and respectfully told me she suspected my health issue could be a result of my weight but wanted to run other tests to absolutely be certain it wasn’t the cause of something else. In the doctor category, I lucked out. Big time (no pun intended).
Its been a pretty long time since I’ve attended any sort of body positive/blogger event. Traveling as often as I do, I’m not really around for the events that I’m invited to. It worked out that I was around for the 3rd Annual Body Confidence Canada Awards
. The BCCAs is an annual event dedicated to honouring those who actively fight against stereotypes, judgements, policies, and discrimination that attempt to discredit marginalized bodies. I was incredibly honoured to be on the guest list.
As I’ve previously mentioned, I have social anxiety. It feels like its gotten worse in the last year or so and its been a massive thorn in my side. I’ve had my fair share of days where I’ve just cried about my anxiety getting stronger and more overwhelming. Being a blogger means having to attend events that really challenge my ability to overcome my anxiety. The day I received the email, I couldn’t have been more happy. I felt honoured to be invited and even more excited that I’d actually be able to attend. The day of was a different story. I started to doubt myself, doubt my presence at the event and doubt the reasons I should go. I kept telling myself it had been too long, I’d be out of place and everyone would wonder why I was there. I came damn close to getting back into myself pjs and sulking in front of my laptop for the night. But somehow, with much encouragement from my boyfriend and friends, I pulled myself together and made my way to the event.
I had an wild and incredible night. I ran into so many old friends, some I hadn’t seen in 2 or 3 years. We talked, hugged and caught up. That night was so much more than the BCCAs for my, although the affair was incredibly fitting. It was an opportunity to remind myself that I do have a place in the blogging and body positive community. It was a chance for people I cared about to tell me how much they missed me, missed my presence online and in person. It was a chance for me to challenge and push myself. To those who don’t suffer from crippling anxiety on a daily basis, this all might seem strange to you. But for those of us who do, you’ll understand exactly why this night was so special to me.
Dress – Igigi
Necklace – Etsy
Shoes – Thrifted
Jacket – Old Navy