I had a pretty rough day last week. My skin was breaking out, none of my clothes were fitting right, and after a third attempt at doing my hair, I swept my split ends up into a ponytail and went about my moping. The day was just a perfect storm of self-doubt and confidence crushers.
After a recent trip to the doctor, I got the news that my fat body is starting to affect my health. Its not major, its minimal but without acknowledging my current heath it could get worse. I haven’t felt my best in the last little while so it doesn’t come as a surprise. My doctor, God bless her, has never made me feel like my weight was an impending death sentence. She very politely and respectfully told me she suspected my health issue could be a result of my weight but wanted to run other tests to absolutely be certain it wasn’t the cause of something else. In the doctor category, I lucked out. Big time (no pun intended).
Its been a pretty long time since I’ve attended any sort of body positive/blogger event. Traveling as often as I do, I’m not really around for the events that I’m invited to. It worked out that I was around for the 3rd Annual Body Confidence Canada Awards
. The BCCAs is an annual event dedicated to honouring those who actively fight against stereotypes, judgements, policies, and discrimination that attempt to discredit marginalized bodies. I was incredibly honoured to be on the guest list.
As I’ve previously mentioned, I have social anxiety. It feels like its gotten worse in the last year or so and its been a massive thorn in my side. I’ve had my fair share of days where I’ve just cried about my anxiety getting stronger and more overwhelming. Being a blogger means having to attend events that really challenge my ability to overcome my anxiety. The day I received the email, I couldn’t have been more happy. I felt honoured to be invited and even more excited that I’d actually be able to attend. The day of was a different story. I started to doubt myself, doubt my presence at the event and doubt the reasons I should go. I kept telling myself it had been too long, I’d be out of place and everyone would wonder why I was there. I came damn close to getting back into myself pjs and sulking in front of my laptop for the night. But somehow, with much encouragement from my boyfriend and friends, I pulled myself together and made my way to the event.
I had an wild and incredible night. I ran into so many old friends, some I hadn’t seen in 2 or 3 years. We talked, hugged and caught up. That night was so much more than the BCCAs for my, although the affair was incredibly fitting. It was an opportunity to remind myself that I do have a place in the blogging and body positive community. It was a chance for people I cared about to tell me how much they missed me, missed my presence online and in person. It was a chance for me to challenge and push myself. To those who don’t suffer from crippling anxiety on a daily basis, this all might seem strange to you. But for those of us who do, you’ll understand exactly why this night was so special to me.
Dress – Igigi
Necklace – Etsy
Shoes – Thrifted
Jacket – Old Navy
I’m obsessed with this top, I’m obsessed with this print and I’m even more obsessed with Rue 107
. Honestly, if I wasn’t pinching every penny I have I’d probably have worn Rue 107 the entire summer. I know this is totally out of season now, but I really did have every intention of making this post a month ago! Also, I promise Rue 107 has literally no idea I’m making this post, I’m just sharing some massive love for one of my fav plus size shops right now.
Top – Rue 107
Shorts – ASOS
Socks – Forever21
Shoes – Gift from a friend